Adventures of a Dancing Kumquat

Following the saga of the little citrus with terpsichorean tendencies

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Kolrabe Kwestions

The other "Choose-Your-Own-Adventure" version of the kumquatblog was submitted by the Kolrabe. So without much ado about anything, here goes:

(Actually, a there will be a little more ado, if the kumquat's beneficent readers will permit-- the kumquat will attempt to answer the questions in a mostly unbratty way, but she gives no guarantee that this will last even through the first question.)
(Oh. One more ado. The questions are in purple. And are followed by question marks. Fancy that.)

Do vegans count sheep... or tofu blocks?

As far as the kumquat knows, insomniatic produce count sheep in order to effect sleepiness, not in order to eat them. Therefore, as long as vegans believe in the existence of sheep, she sees no reason why they can't use them to induce somnolence. If, however, the convention was to count chickens, the kumquat fears that the tangello would have to rely on something else since he doesn't believe in chickens. The kumquat thinks he has some issues with tofu as well.

Why do so many people get puke-drunk repeatedly? Did they kill the brain cells that regulate sensible behavior?

While the kumquat does not claim to be a paragon of sensible behavior, she will be sensible enough to not even try to explain this one.

Why do lots of women go ga ga over hot cars?

Mmm... gorgeous cars! *drool* *sigh* *lust*
Pardon the kumquat.
What was the question?

What's the worst fashion mistake you've ever seen?

Does the kolrabe mean someone other than Backwards Man?

Why is "top 40 music" so damn awful?

Because most people are non-believers' tofu blocks.

If you could spend a day with any talking animal, where would you meet?

Oh, probably at a coffee shop. The kumquat is a coffee slut.

What's the worst musical of all time?

Does the kumquat have to pick just one Sondheim show?

Can studly guys still wear pink?

If one of his stable's colors is pink and he's racing that day, the kumquat thinks he should.

What's with your fascinaton with fruits?

A treatise on the origin of produce will be covered in a future entry. The kumquat is doing this not really because of any sense of drama, but because it is almost time for her to leave work.....

Holy Mackerel

The kumquat's laziness actually paid off!

So far the tangel(l)o and the kolrabe have contributed suggestions. Ah, the kumquat appreciates not having to actually be creative and, like, think. Perish the thought. (Look! Look! The kumquat made a pun wasn't that just so, umm... Nevermind)

The kumquat simply must start with the tangel(l)o's suggestion, since it was, by far, the most disturbing. The kumquat expects nothing less from the jello tangent.

However, having brought the blogversation around to this, um, implement, the kumquat isn't quite sure what to say about it. (Although when she types "about it" the kumquat often misplaces the space and has to correct herself so she doesn't write "abou tit"-- she wonders if that's some sort of medical condition. "Miss Smith, the signs you have been noticing lately are definitely symptoms of abou tit.")

Uh, yeah. Back to the pizzacutterfork. It's scary. Oh, the kumquat tells a lie. Apparently, it's not just for pizza-- it can be used for waffles and pancakes too. Oh! The possibilities. Pardon the kumquat, she feels a swoon coming on.

Actually, this reminds the kumquat of some of the highly specific doohickies that Victorian-types invented: "Everywhere in the West specialized utensils proliferate, more in response to the Victorian fondness for bric-a-brac than to any real need. Tomato servers, sardine forks, jelly knives, and cheese scoops are among the many elaborations on the theme." (from this site)

The only, piddling difference is that the Victoriania stuff is made for formal dinners, not for food that arrives in a cardboard box. And the Victorian stuff tends to be pretty. Or at least prettier than this.

The piece-de-resistance of this implement is that it is touted as a "time saver." A time saver.

The kumquat finds this utterly believable because, after all, she has often been eating pizza that is too hot or soggy to actually pick up and thought that it was just lovely, but what would really make it perfect is if she didn't have to waste so much time using that damned knife and fork.

Really, she could be using that precious time to watch NASCAR. And burp the alphabet.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Nuttin' Honey

The kumquat feels very boring.

She's done some spiffy-ish things lately, but none of them seem to be good fodder for irreverent blogging. Hmmph.

So, because she is lazy, she offers to blog about topics suggested by her readers. All three of you.




Or something.

Here a Llama, There a Llama

Everywhere a llama llama.

Well, the kumquat doesn't know about everywhere, but there are llamas on her sidebar now. She recommends the llamas as a way to entertain oneself, annoy others (if played loudly) and relieve the stress that is incurred by having to deal with idiots.