Adventures of a Dancing Kumquat

Following the saga of the little citrus with terpsichorean tendencies

Monday, July 25, 2005


As she sat in the Catholic church last weekend, watching her friend get married, the kumquat wondered, 'Is it sacrilegious to have a devil duck on one's phone when one is in a Catholic church?' One friend that she questioned on this issue said that it wasn't blasphemy, that by having a representation of the devil (even if it is in the form of a small, hollow purple duck) gives the Church a reason to exist. Another friend just laughed at her.

And on another note (pun honestly truly faithfully not intended): never had the Altar Boyz soundtrack been such appropriate driving music. (Okay, okay. The kumquat has only had the Altar Boyz soundtrack a few weeks, but this was definitely the most appropriate usage of it in those two weeks.)

Friday, July 15, 2005

The Kumquat Is Soooo Offended...

The kumquat was rambling around one of her favorite useful websites, the Internet Movie Database, the other day. She was looking up the running-time of a certain movie, then proceeded to get distracted by random cast details, quotes, goofs and "movie connections." (Arguably the most useless, least entertaining category-- and it could be so good; But no! It's just a laundry list of other movies that are "connected" to the main movie, but it doesn't tell you why! Bastards.) Ahem.. the kumquat apologizes for this itsy-bitsy tangent.

Among the random IMDB entertainment are message boards for movies. This one listed a topic that seemed interesting in the that-person-who-wrote-that-sounds-like-an-idiot-so-I'll-read-the-post-and-reassure-myself-that-he-or-she-really-is-dumber-than-toast kind of way. This phenomenon is somewhere along the lines of the "Eww, this is awful. Taste it! It's horrible, isn't it?" kind of thing, but without the community involvement.

So the kumquat went to read that thread on the message board. But she was required to register with IMDB. Now, normally the kumquat doesn't mind registering. She uses e-mail addresses that she barely ever checks and probably can't remember the passwords to anyway and puts false or barley true information down for other requested data. But, for some reason, the kumquat didn't want to register this time. Part of the citrus-y rebellion was spurred by the fact that the request to register was couched in language that made it seem like it was an optional thing-- but there was no conceivable way to get to the message boards without it.

The kumquat was peeved, but she wanted to see this message board post so that she could get angry at it. She finally succumbed and started to register: random e-mail address, first initial, last initial-- then she comes to "year of birth." And it was a required field. The kumquat gamely entered the year of her birth, which is, of course, 1900. (The kumquat hasn't had her birthday yet this year, so she's still a sprightly 104.)

After all the fields were entered, she clicked the icon to enter her information. And got an error. IMDB claimed that she was too old to register! She is appalled by this evidence of internet age discrimination. She knows that women are generally supposed to lie about their ages, but this site required it! IMDB would not let her register until she claimed 1906 as her birth year.


Sunday, July 03, 2005

Tangerine, She Is All They Claim...

Happy Day o'Spawing to the tangerine! Enjoy your day off from the preparation for the Bad Thing.

The kumquat isn't even sure if the tangerine still reads her blog. She fears the tangerine may have given up on her. Oh well.

The first posting today was in honor of the tangello, who for some reason remembered when she last updated her blog.

The kumquat also changed her blog template. She likes the green. Lots. She used it for the template for this blog, but, as she suspected, she didn't update that one much. So the kumquat decided to consolidate. Or at least enjoy the green in two places.

Unfortunately, the tangello is probably less than thrilled with this chartreuse-tinged development. Hopefully the he can bear this with fortitude because the kumquat would hate to lose one of her two readers.

Oooh. Random kumquat thought that will only make sense to two people (one of whom may not read this): Tangello Bordello!

The Car Talk Guys Are Perverts!

The kumquat knew she liked them!

She was listening to Car Talk this morning on her five minute commute to work (yay for house-sitting!) and she heard them give advice to a girl that could be taken another, more interesting way. Apparently there are these things called 'bushings' and apparently hers needed lubrication. From a 'penetrating spray.'

If anyone has the, um, stupidity.. err, guts to try 'Hey baby-- I bet your bushings could use some lubrication from my penetrating spray' as a pick-up line, the kumquat will buy you chocolate. After you get out of the hospital.